THE UNDERTOW WELCOME WAGON OF THE WEEK!:
Real life friends Cindy Benigno and Maddie Hogan recently took the $5/ mo. leap and became paid subscribers to this stupid column The Undertow, which is deeply appreciated. Cindy has been a family friend for quite some time now. She and Cathrine take turns shattering bones and working on their limps. Maddie I heaped effusive praise on last week so she really had no choice but to pony up the dough. Maddie and I can soon (6/13) be seen in KILLING MARY SUE. I have a semi-nide scene. She doesn’t. Which seems a little unfair. To everybody. KILLING MARY SUE has its fancy-schmancy premiere tomorrow at the new Rio Grande movie theater before going wide on all your streaming platforms. It is an (intentionally) big, dumb, action-thriller which features some nice scenery-chewing from the likes of, well, me and Maddie, as well as local products like Andy Prosky (son of the late, great Robert Prosky), as well a bigger names like Dermot Mulroney and Martin Kove (“sweep the leg”). Should be a lot of fun. If anyone famous comes to the premiere, I’ll be sure to get some snaps and talk shit on them right here next week…
GIG SCHEDULE OF THE WEEK/ MONTH/ SUMMER!!!:
After a good reaming out by Alex Sosik, it occured to me that about 70% of the reason I produce this column (semi) regularly is to let you all know where I’m playing music so you can come stuff our tip jar (another bad week in tips last week… what the hell is going on around here?), which I forgot to do last week. So… print this out and hang it on your fridge because I’ll probably forget next week…
FRIDAY THE 13TH: Terry & Jerry are honored to be providing the music for the Phiuladelphia Eagles Autism Awereness event at PigDog on Morey’s Piers from 1pm-5pm. I will 100% run the Tush Push with whomever I can wrangle up. But seriously, the Eagles have been at the forefront of bringing awareness to this cause, which is deeply personal to owner Jeffrey Lurie, whose brother is on the spectrum. We’re happy to volunteer our services. And I’ll do my best to get Jordan Mailata to sing Tennessee Whiskey if he attends. Dude can sing, and not just good-for-an-athlete sing. He can SING-sing.
Then, from 7pm-11pm, we’ll be in the Brown Room at Congress Hall.
AFTER THAT…
THURSDAYS (starting 6/19): Terry & Jerry @ Jersey Girl Kitchen, 530-930.
FRIDAYS (starting 6/20): Terry & Jerry @ Joe’s Fish Co., 6-10.
SATURDAYS: Terry & Jerry @ PigDog, 1130-330.
SUNDAYS: Terry & Dave @ Rusty Nail, 5pm-9pm. SING-ALONG W/ TERRY & DAVE! ACOUSTIC + KARAOKE!
The very few exceptions/ additions are; 7/5, Terry & Dave at Rusty Nail, Dave filling in at PigDog on 7/12 and an Elaine’s gig on 9/8. That’s it. Clip-and-save. Screenshot. Tattoo it backwards on your forehead so you see it every time you look in the rearview. Whatever. Just come on out and see us.
UNDEFEATED, UNDISPUTED ALL-TIME CHAMPION OF KARAOKE:
Me & Bobby McGee. I coud be hosting a karaoke show deep in the Amazon on the banks of the Nile and as soon as I open the computer a middle-aged white woman will emerge from the rain forest and request that song.
SOLID CHAT OF THE WEEK:
Had 5 minutes to chop it up with local gadabout John Cooke Sunday after my (breezy, chilly, misty) karaoke gig. It had been a while since we’d had time to do more than nod and wave from across the street, so it was nice to take a few and catch up. John runs a website that is 3000% more professional-looking than my SubStack, so hop on over there (when you’re done here, of course) and support the man who keeps the Guinness trucks flowing into Cape May. (John will also be pleased to know that I’ve written about him so often over the last 20 years that whenever I type “John”, my auto-fill immediately pulls up “Cooke.”)
METAPHOR OF THE WEEK:
Our first hour open at Old Navy we process more exchanges than Wall Street. (I was going to say New York Stock Exchange but I didn’t want to use “exchange” twice that closely together. It’s like rhyming “day” with “day” in a song. Anyway, point is, we get many, many clothing returns in out first hour…)
OLD MAN YELLS AT CLOUD OF THE WEEK:
Every so often my phone, a Sumsung S25 Android that is neither too fancy nor too unfancy and does all the things I like and know how to do, receives a software update. Usually it’s bing-gang, download, reboot, life goes on. Well, this time after my reboot it was like having a whole new fucking phone and I hate it.
DEEP, DEEP DENIAL OF THE WEEK:
My Kobalt electric battery-powered lawn mower, which I love more than some of my children (kidding, I love it more than all of my children) may be dying… At first, I thought it may an issue with the batteries, some of which are over four years old now. But… no. I’m afriad it’s terminal. Which is right on track as I actually have about $300 in the bank this week… Going to see if the local lawnmower repair guy can revive it, but I am not hopefull. TERRY’S ELECTRIC KOBALT LAWNMOWER: 2019-2015. HE WAS A GOOD MOWER.
WXPN FUCK-UP OF THE WEEK:
Got political. Lost a listener. Lost a donor.
SAY WHAT YOU WILL…:
… about WCFA, outside of the Thursday morning block they put together just for me, I don’t LOVE-love everything they play, but there are maybe 3 radio stations on Earth where I would hear, in the span of 3 songs, an 80s classic by ABC, a 50s bop about crying in the rain or some shit, then a fuzz-y, pop-y jazz standard so old that dust blew out of my speakers.
LATE BREAKING NEWS!!!:
KILLING MARY SUE article.
OKAY THEN…:
Time for the paywall. If you’re a free peeper, take the leap and swipe your card. It’s $5/ mo. That’s less than a white chocolate mocha, hot. decaf, venti at Starbucks’s ($6.66). You’ll feel $5/ mo. better about yourself…
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