I’m sure there’s a record somewhere of most sneezes in a day, and I’m sure I’m approaching it. My goodness…
Anyway, dipping in for a quick Undertow before getting back to work on the UNTITLED EXIT ZERO TIME AIRSTREAM TRAVEL STORY which now has a title, I think. TIME STREAM. What do we thing?
After bouncing some ideas off of my devoted readers (both of them) I went in last weekend and made some semi-major revisions. Honestly, any change to a core part of the plot or characters constitutes an actual MAJOR change, but I don’t want anyone to feel bad about it, especially since they were my idea to begin with. So… after a 6-hour stay at my laptop (may be a new record for me) I think I’ve cleaned up a few things, minor as they may have been, because, especially in a time travel story, little things on pg. 6 can become HUGE things on pg. 63.
So what’s the point? It is this; if you’ve been thinking about signing up for a paid subscription, now is a great time because (A) I’m writing the hell out of this story and I hate for you all to miss it especially when you can have hand in helping me craft it and (B) I just dropped the price back down to $5/ mo. Seriously, it’s the cost of a mocha latte from Starbuck’s. But I don’t want to beg… (pleeeeeeeeeeease???)
If you saw my bank account you’d sign-up for 10 subscriptions under 10 different emails…
For those of you who ARE coughing up those 20 measly quarters every four weeks, you’ve probably noticed I’ve begun sending TIME STREAM out in a separate Substack, because I couldn’t figure out how to decouple it from the regular column. So… there we are…
As I lay sweating in my bed the other night (get your minds out of the gutter) I was all ready to rip into my son Henry for putting the AC back in his bedroom and ONLY his bedroom when I was gently reminded that the AC that cools my room has been up all winter and spring. This is a very common occurrence for me; getting all worked up astride my very high horse only to be humbled by some filthy peasant. I lead the league in feeling like an asshole sometimes.
WIFE BACK HOME OF THE WEEK: I zipped up to Turnersville last Sunday to pick up the ol’ ball & chain as she had completed her first round of home bound physical therapy. I am happy to report she is doing well. Physically. Emtotionally she is still mad at me from something in 1997. And she NEVER wants to do the arm exercises I suggest… (okay, get your minds back into the gutter.)
Speaking of zipping up the road (as you can see, my SubStack segue game remains as strong as my Exit Zero segue game used to be…) we had our second Billy Joel rehearsal on Monday night and, man, this band may not have all the bells and whistles of previous entities (fewer members, fewer fancy-schmancy electronics and such, just down and dirty bass, drums, guitar and piano) it’s going to be a LOT of fun. Of couurse, the key element in any Billy Joel tribute is getting the right keyboard player, and we knocked it out of the park with Emily Bryce from Bucks County way. In our initial conversations I sent her a list of the 42 songs we’d played in past iterations os the band, and when she replied with, “I’m sorry, I only know 39 of these” I was in absolute heaven. “39 will do,” I said, or words to that effect. And damned if we aren’t doing 39 songs next Saturday. NEXT SATURDAY. I can’t believe it’s almost here.
ADVANCED SEATING WILL ONLY BE AVAILABLE ON THE DAY OF. So I’d get up bright and early next Saturday the 11th and start calling like you’re trying to win a Morning Zoo radio contest.
While at rehearsal, I stumbled upon what I thought was the a great band name, and perhaps the GREATEST band name for a Billy Joel tribute. Are you ready? Are you sitting down?
SPACE MONKEY MAFIA.
For those of you non-obsessive Billy Joel fans, here is the context; “Buddy Holly, Ben-Hur, Space Monkey, Mafia, Hula Hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no-go… we didn’t start the fire!” Genius, right?
My current crew, The Strangers, laughed me out of the room. But I sleep well knowing that true genius is rarely recognized in its own time.
Rehearsal went so well we finished about 30 minutes earlier than scheduled so I was going to get home from Burlington (where Jerry Kolber’s brother Tim has a basement studio and was a sort-of halfway point for all of us, also THANK YOU Tim, the honorary 6th Stranger) with my passenger Dave Hughes. We got on 295S and were on pace to get home at around 11. Then traffic stopped. And we sat. And sat. And sat. 45 minutes. Once we started moving we saw the remains of what looked like a pretty nasty accident, about 1/10th of a mile from where we were parked. I was pretty mad about this. “10 seconds earlier and we miss it,” I said. Dave, ever the sage, said, “Or 10 seconds earlier and we’d have been in it.” See? Sometimes I feel like an asshole…
Before we went UP to Burlington I wentto pick up Dave at his new house in N. Cape May (WHERE HE NOW HAS A NEW BABY BOY! LEVI! CONGRATULATIONS DAVE & OLIVIA!!!) but I stopped at Wawa first for some provisions (smokes, Coke Zeros) and when I got back in the truck my GPS said, “Head east. Head east. Head east.” Did… did my phone just give me attitude? I swear the difference was so marked I was taken aback for a moment. But I was hearing things, right?
It was a 4-pee drive from NCM to Burlington. That's how I measure distances now.
THE WAWA DON’T SPEND $75 CHALLENGE LEVEL: IMPOSSIBLE. It really is. The other night for game five of the Sixers-Knicks it was three sandwiches, a salad, a bag of chips, a 2-liter Coke Zero and four candy bars. $76.13. I about had a stroke. But at least I know we’re able to continue sending $100B dollars to the Ukraine every few months to protect their border. Really relaxes me.
SONG OF THE WEEK: While at the Wawa I heard a cool song I’d heard a few times and thought was new but in the course of researching it for this column discovered it came out 11 years ago. Just put me in a home.
A FEW FINAL TIDBITS BEFORE WE GO…
I’ve watched both Rebel Moon movies on Netflix (a third will be released later this year). These are variations of the Star Wars movies director Zack Snyder (Justice League) was going to make for Disney before that deal fell apart. The movies are… fine. If you’ve seen a Zack Snyder movie you know you’re in for; lots and lots and LOTS of slo-mo battle sequences and semi-nonsensical dialogue, which he delivers here. But I found them diverting enough. I’m not, like, mad I watched them. But they’ll never be mistaken for great movies.
And here is a sort-of video podcast I was recently a guest on. I’m, uh, I’m not sure if that link below is going to take you anywhere, but you cna copy-paste if you want.
https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2FFmLaix_xuRA%3Fsi%3DNtPtIHllyeGrMn1N&h=AT04On_SqIsC4Es3_hGNz4uIFIN7RilICqUewR_ZU7-d8YrubquEw_iyLrUZ-kJ3dy2caeRP6zHFOu0Uh-msQprs0UMOVeTsPhyMQPxqY1iLCvU2f1oTZ8LfdVFZYjT7gmtft9q0pkH5wghEFuCo&s=1
If Gordon Ramsay can keep it up another 5-10 years, I think every restaurant in America can put “As Seen on Kitchen Nightmares” on their signs.
Til next time, don’t get caught in The Undertow…
I remember that song!
So sweet ..🥰